Attachment & Relationship Issues

Attachment is a term to describe how we connect to ourselves, others, and environments. The quality of our attachment (“secure” or "insecure”) can impact our relationships, sense of self, beliefs about the world, response to stress, tension in our body, and more. 

There are many discussions around attachment style, with different names and categories: avoidant, anxious, island, wave, etc. Essentially, these styles describe a spectrum of experiences between fear of abandonment in relationship and fear of engulfment in relationship. Some folks resonate more with one experience while others connect to both or fluctuate along the spectrum at different times.

It is human to feel a tension between the competing needs of freedom and security. There is nothing bad or wrong with an “insecure” attachment style.  Folks seek therapy for attachment when they find it is getting in the way of what they want. 

Perhaps you long to be in connection with others without feeling like you are people-pleasing or hypervigilant to their every move… Maybe you want to experience connection without feeling guarded or mistrusting the other person… 

Working with attachment in therapy looks like exploring your unconscious beliefs and fears in relationships and building your capacity to emotionally regulate. This will allow you to choose how you respond to life. Over time, we will work to meet your missing needs and provide new experiences that rewrite outdated beliefs. We will also use our therapeutic relationship as a container to study what arises for you in closeness with another person. I aim to model authenticity and safety along the way so you can freely explore new ways of navigating connection.

If you struggle to feel calm, connected, and confident in your close relationships, this may be due to your attachment style.